The Taste of The Tea

The thought is a burden
If only the heart won't give up
I would fly to the open sky;
I drank some tea.

I dreamt of the life
My wife in my arms
My baby on my shoulder;
The dark night won't go,
The music shoothens, 
I drank some tea. 

My mother in my lap
I sang the lullaby
Times back she sang to me 
I laid in her lap;
She closes her eyes
Breathing the tea, 
The tea is sweet, I drank some more.

If only the body turns to soil
The heart won't give up;
Time is the lion, the ant is small
But, the ant knows to find the path;
The glimpse of the woman
She touches the heart
The heart knows the path;
I drank some tea.

I know the prairie beyond the sand land
And I know the dream lies there.
I will drink more tea,
Until I lay my step on the green grass.

November 02, 2013
Posted by Blindmemoirs

Crime Against Women : Time has come to bring a change

Will it be wrong to assume that we as a social being do no more have the pre-requisite to be called so ? This is one of those persistent questions that I have been asking myself since the last few years. My tendency of an affirmative answer has been too high, and it will be too lame to ignore it. Yet, my ego as a human doesn't approve of accepting it either.

Yesterday, there came in "THE HINDU", and minor girl has allegedly accused her father and brother for sexually abusing her since last 4 years. She claimed her mother knew but, didn't do anything to stop it. Day before that, there was in the news, a juvenile convicted of rape and murder of a 6 years old girl has threatened to do the same to the deceased child's sister after being freed from detention home. If I have to recall all those incidents that have been coming up in the last month, forget about the year, if I have to take the whole day, I still doubt I can compile all of them. There is no doubt  in calling INDIA as a rape country.

Even as the country is heading towards a better global economic status with a better image as a responsible nation, it seems that the social structure and values are declining at a much alarming rate. There are many issues to talk about in this subject. I will keep my limit to SEXUAL ABUSE TOWARDS THE WOMAN in particular in this note.

Every now and then, there is hardly any day that goes without reporting such cases involving sexual exploitation on woman. Infact, this days, even a 9 month old baby girl has not been spared. Gang rape  rape on the false promise of marriage, brother raping the sister, drunk father raping the daughter. It is just not the rape, the accused wouldn't spare the lives of the victims, even if it is a 9 month old baby. How on earth can we think of cutting a small child into pieces and disposing it in the public toilet. It is way too inhuman to even think about it.

With development and increasing  awareness should come a better social structure and sense of social responsibilities in each of the citizen of the country. But, if we look into the rising trend of each and every section of the society, the gains that we have made is far less than the losses we have had.

As many of us believe that education is the solution to most of the social evils and to our development. I still believe the same. But, somewhere something is wrong which most of us are not able to identify. Taking a peek into the 2011 Census, it states that India has an over-all literacy rate of 74.04 % and is still increasing at the rate of 9.2 %. But, my concern is, isn't it suppose to mean that our society must have been more civilised. Ofcourse, some will argue that literacy doesn't mean that people will stop doing crimes. It is also viable to argue that there are many other factors too. In that case, my question is if education is not supposed to educate then, what it is supposed to do and if it is educating then, why are we not having a more sensible and considerate society. Instead, we are losing more and more of our human values and developing more of the animal instincts. Even animals have developed and have become more social.

The question is, do the numbers projects the reality? Is something not wrong with the way it has been projected ? If the census is right, then what does literacy means, only read and write ? If it is then, is our education system good enough for the changing trend? Are we not supposed to teach the importance of moral values. Down the line, what I genuinely feel is that, there is a big loophole in our education system. In schools, we are taught about books which teaches us to read and write, we are taught about stories of great people, but teachers as well as the students merely take them as lessons to be learnt by-heart not by heart. The way education is preached and the way education is perceived seems to be totally going towards a quantitative production rather than imparting qualitative values. Even the teachers or the so called educators are not fit enough to be called someone who is guiding the students. Their accountability has been so deeply affected by the selfish drives. Would I be wrong to say that "Universities today are producing more and more highly trained barbarians rather than developing educated intellectuals." 

When I was a kid, apart from my school books, the most important lesson came from my parents. Infact, this story is just not about me, it is for most of us also. But, the changing trend is not so friendly. The kids are more detached from their parents. There are nothing much accountable values that parents these days teach their kids. Even the coming generation of parents are doubtful to be able enough to give guidance to their own children.

There is definitely a need to change our whole education system. May it be the content of education, the educators and most importantly the concept of education. It's just not the kids or the students to be taught, adults and the people leading the country need to be educated with a new system with more values. Sometimes, it's really funny to watch bunches of illiterate mindless organisms fighting in the house of the country's highest institution. I feel ashamed of myself to have let these people led the country.

Ensuring more stringent punishment and more efficient law and order is another way to curb this rising level of indifference towards woman. But, that will be only a temporary measure. That is in a way suppressing the evil not overthrowing it from its roots. The only way to do away with this evil is education, not just quantitative education, but with more values. For this, all of us, each and every section of the society is responsible. A collective effort can only bring an effective change.

If we fail to understand this, the whole society will collapse. There will be no value for relationship. Woman will live in constant fear. The whole cause of the country will suffer irreparably. We have already lost our lustre to the world. It is a shame for all of us.

Note : My only request to all is that we are born as a human, let us live like responsible humans and live like one too.
Posted by Blindmemoirs

Your Sweet Heart

3rd MARCH, 2012.

'7 years I have waited for this moment. 7 years I have not had a sleep without you in my dreams. 7 years I have not missed celebrating your birthday even without you around.'

After 7 long years, I'm meeting her tonight.

'Miss' as I always call her, fate had taken her away from me 7 years back for reasons that I still don't know. And now, the same fate has brought us back together. 7 years from back I have given her my heart, and tonight I just want her to know that she still has my heart.

Dressed in my best suit, and with the best of my self, here, at this table No. 5 of her favourite hangout where we used to sit then, I'm waiting for the clock to tick 7 O'Clock. The feeling is too special and I wish I could make the time still for some more time. But, then, having her sitting right beside me has been my only wish for the last 7 years. Only I know how I wish the clock to tick 7.

The clock ticks 7 and I turn my head towards the way from where she would be coming. I know it's dramatic, but I just can't help it, I'm seeing her after such a long 7 years & I had missed the way she used to be. I kept gazing towards the way until the waiter broke my attention. When I looked at the watch, it was 10 minutes past 7. I told the waiter to come over after 10 minutes and I again looked at the direction. I have this feeling that any moment she would be walking in from the direction in a red dress. I kept looking.

'Sir, it's the time to close now'. When he broke my attention, I found myself gazing in the direction. It was 11 now and there were no diners around. The candle on the table still remained unlit. I took out my wallet, look at her passport sized photograph which we had exchanged 7 years back, slipped out a 500 note and tipped the waiter. I slipped my hand in the right pocket of the blazer and took out the 'Ring'. It was shinning bright in the box as I opened it. I lit the red candle on the table, filled the glass with the red wine, had a sip and smiled at myself. I have no-one sitting beside me to talk to and nothing else to think about. I told myself, 7 years, may be another 7 years more.

I thought of calling her, but then, I stopped myself for I think I was not sure of anything now. I was left with the same feeling that took away my sleep for years that I have 7 years back. I couldn't think, I couldn't sleep. I was once again left with the same old broken heart.

Late at night, I got a call from her number. But, it was a different person on the line.

'Hello, Is this Mr. Kumar ?,
This is calling from Galaxy Hospital.
We found your name in the last dialed list in this cell phone.
So, we thought it will be good to call you first.'

And he continued....I was left speechless.


Early Monday morning, she was checking her facebook page. Many have wished her birthday. Sipping a cup of coffee, she kept looking at the page. She checked all the messages, but still she rechecked them again. Her eyes seemed to be looking for a message from someone. To her disappointment, she didn't find any. Inside, she felt some kind of strange feeling, a feeling of disappointment and disapproval for the person who used to tell her 'I love you a lot and will always be there for you'.

She thought he could have atleast called once and ask how she was, where she was and why she didn't come that night. And when she called to explain, his number couldn't not be reached. Thoughts occupied her and she no more knows where he was. She thought still, he could ask atleast once about my health. She was sure that he would have known about what happened to her. She thought he might have been angry and moved on with his life.

The doorbell rings. It was courier boy. He handed over a parcel wrapped in a white brown paper.

She was not expecting anything and felt a little surprised. She checked the address to see if it has been wrongly delivered. No, it was her address. Then, she checked the back side of the cover and she was filled with an unknown feeling to find the name 'Mr. Kumar'. She was filled with a strange mixed feeling of happiness and surprise.

She opened it carefully and as he always does, she found a neat paper-made-box of blue. Inside it, there was a black case and a blue envelope. She opened the box and there was a diamond ring shinning bright and her heart leaps all of a sudden and she bursts into silent tears of unexpected joy and happiness. She thought he is back in her life.

She then take the blue envelope in her hand and watch the details of it. It was of the same kind that he had given her 7 years back at the time he had told her that he truly loved her. She opened it slowly and took out the note inside. It carried the same fragrance and it took her to the moment when they met for the first time. Tears rolled down unprecedently.

The note reads..
'My Dear Miss,

I still remember the moment I saw you the first time. You were in your pink shoes and your hair were silky and fluttering around your face with the soft wind that passed through your way.

You know my heart leaped to heaven. Your eyes shine throughout my life. And from that moment I have never let you go away from my life. It was 'Love at the first sight'. How much special I have felt walking with you on my side.

I felt like, I could win this world.

I have always wanted to make you feel special for you are really special. I have been waiting for this day, to give you the best gift that I could ever give you in my life. You have always loved to be the birthday girl, and even when you were not with me for 7 years, I have never missed to celebrate your birthday, but I never felt satisfied with anything that I have given you.

It's your birthday today.... my Miss.

Happy birthday....sweetheart.

This was my last wish before I took this step. and I have planned it well to make sure, it gets delivered to you on this day only.

'Please, never let the ring away from your fingers. I wish I could have asked your hand to hold mine.'

I'm sorry that I couldn't come to you anymore. But, the 'Ring' is meant for you only and I had wanted to propose you to marry me on that night. I waited for you. This Ring will look elegant in your fingers only.

I am really happy to have you in my life and now I feel much happier to be your heart. I have always wished to be your heart like the way you were my sweetheart. GOD is too kind upon me to have given me this opportunity.

You remember the time when I told you I have given you my heart. I'm happy that I kept my words. I gave you my heart. And I'm happy that I won't miss you anymore as I'm your heart now. What else would I wish more than this.

Thank you miss, you have defined the reason for my life. I'll always be with you now for the rest of the time and will always be your sweetheart. Keep it safe.

I know you will ask why I did this. And I also know that you know the reason too.

Now, don't be like a kid, wipe your tears, wear a big smile that I have always admired and let's celebrate your birthday. For the first time, we are celebrating your birthday together.

Live Life Abundantly. And please for my sake put on the red dress today.

I love you sweetheart.
Yours OnlyMr. Kumar '

She couldn't stop the tears anymore.....

March 03, 2012
Posted by Blindmemoirs

When My Heart Breaks !

Though this is all about being emotional, I'll try tell my story, the story of " When my heart breaks " in a rather (little) funny way ( if I only I succeed in doing so ). Otherwise, it is most likely to shed a few tears once again ( which I don't want to). As I always say, " Emotions Hardly Die ".

What happened when I met the girl for the first time !

There I was standing at a corner of the community center square, leaning myself on the rail waiting for her. The cricket match between Indians and the Australians have attracted a good number of local dwellers around the big screen. And it had made the air filled with usual Indian sweaty smell.

A little nervous I was, trying to make myself calm, taking long breathes from time to time. She called up on the cell, and told that she have just reached and asked where I was. My eyes started scanning the whole place. There I saw a girl, tall enough to be noticed among the crowd, with long hair ( as it seemed to be) and pinkish cheeks (probably due to heat), on the other side of the square. As she draws nearer, my heart starts beating proportionately faster as if there was some kinda physical relation between the distance between us and the rate of beating of my heart. I wonder, if there is any, because it is something that is very common in everyone of us. No wonder, I'm also just a normal lad, who is meeting a girl whom I like, for the first time and no doubt, she was beautiful. Her dark blue pull-over jacket, black tight figure jeans, the pair of pink Reebok shoes, and the pale blue Levis bag, the picture still remains loud and clear in my mind.

This is one of those very few moments in my life, as " 20th February, 2011 was the first date with the most lovely girl in my life ".

What happened when my heart breaks !

1st of January, 2012, sitting here writing this note, and inside, my heart is still breaking up into more pieces. Adding to it, the song that I'm playing from Switchfoot " Yesterday " is adding more to the bleeding heart..... and when the line....

" I remember you like yesterday
I still can't believe you're gone
Oh I remember you like yesterday
And until I'm with you, I carry on "

....comes up, the ache in the heart grows more each time. Shit !! I still can't believe this is happening to me. How I wish to go somewhere on the top of a hill or mountain, or the middle of the jungle where there will be no human soul to see me, and there, cry out loud, so loud, that I get dehydrated due to excessive loss of body fluid and my throat goes all numb due to excessive strain due to shouting. And when the sun goes down, you feel like dying there, left to the scavengers of the night and tearing up every single flesh in my body and rot to hell, 'coz I felt like I deserve that as fate hasn't let me deserve her presence in my life.

Going back few months, the time when it started, I mean the heart break started, my heart felt very heavy those days. Like almost every guy who got dumped, I lost my appetite, the mind won't think of anything else, I didn't feel like doing anything, I bunked the office, I tried destroying everything, I went through all the messages, emails and all the collections of her pictures all over again. But, the heart won't stop from breaking.

It will always keep on thinking about the moment, the moment when I had expected a goodnight message in reply to my message, but a message that change the whole thing dropped in, and it says " I'm really sorry, I have been trying to tell you this, but couldn't tell you, I'm already in a relationship. Let's be good friends ". This killed me in a way and felt as if the whole world has crumbled.

I had 2321 messages in my inbox, and the 2322nd message brought the end to the story that started with the first message saying " You just got a message from Me...... ". Well, I lost my words, and all I could have said was " Well, you know better what's good for you, I'm happy that I have spent few good times of my life with you. " And after that, the world to me has changed. The way I used to see the world, people, emotions, feelings, trust, faith, commitment, love and humans, all changed. All had no meanings that defines them.

Every early morning, as I walked down the street, to my bus stop, alone, paving my way through the fog, with the songs on the earphone, each and every song would me feel to miss her even more. I tried playing all the genres: hard, metallic, thrash, to romantic and even meditation sounds, but the thoughts and the emptiness still linger on, on each and every strand of my nerves. Some songs, sometimes do wonderful effect. These songs made me feel like I'm in a movie or those sweet romantic music videos. One song in particular, made me feel so romantically emotional that I usually get few drops of tears in my eyes with it: " If tomorrow never comes " by Ronan Keatings. Every single stroke, every single note struck so hard to the deepest core of my heart, that literally made me feel like I'm never gonna see her again, and always regret that I have never let her know much I loved her. Every single step that I took seemed like I was going farther away from her. That would make me feel so full with grief. Sometimes, I wish, if I could sing like him, probably, I might have been able to move her to tears and she might come running to me in my arms.

When everything turns upside down and when whatever you have done had gone in vain, people start thinking of things which is hardly possible. I did too.

During these hard emotional days, when I watched movies like " Ironman " or the " Spiderman " or the " Captain America ", I felt this urge to engineer something that can give me some extra-human powers, and I would wear that suit and prove myself to be a savior of human kind, the keeper of this world. And as all superhuman heroes do, I would save her from every danger, and be nice to her and she would fall in love with me. Next moment, I was completely lost in thoughts like this and when I come back to senses, I so much hate the real world. I felt, atleast I was happy with my imagination. In situations like this, guys who have loved someone so much start losing their usual normal senses. I was not different. After-all, I am also just a normal guy who happened to loved her a little bit more that I should have.

Then sometimes, the wicked side of me would have some other plans. Like those sci-fi movies, I had wanted to track down the guy, pin point out his exact location, hacking into US advance surveillance satellite systems, and put a destructive gamma ray into that location and blast everything off, leaving not even a trace. Then, I would hack into database and forge his identity to be an internationally wanted criminal with over 1000 million dollars reward over his head. Later on, I would called her up and expressed my condolence and surprise over his terrorist links. And I would tell her that I am an undercover agent, but that I had truly loved her. I would think of her crying with her head on my shoulder, and I consoling her and telling her to let it go and telling her that I'm always there for her. Though this is a monstrous wicked thought, but if it were possible, I might think of giving a chance to this for I'm ready to go to hell after life, but in this life, a life with her is all that I want.

Many thoughts like this never cease to come up. I guess this is some kind of natural defense mechanism to cope up with heart breaks. Whatever it is, atleast it gives me something with which I can atleast pass another few minutes.

Before the heart break, I was writing some stories. I had intended to make them romantic happy ending stories. But, the heart break had happened and I ended up giving them a horrible, sad ending story killing both the lovers in a very tragic and heart bleeding way. I haven't published it yet, coz they had such a horrible ending that I fear my friends might take me as an evil heartless cold bastard.

What did I do when my Heart has broken !

When it comes to actual real thing, what I did is completely different from what I wish to do. Simply I took off. I decided not be keep anything in mind for she is the most lovely girl in my life. I don't have any intention of playing a villain in her life, when I have wished to be her hero, nor do I opt to be on the side role being a well wisher and a good friend. I have a different view in this matter. It's like my mother asking me to keep the dead dog if I love it so much. On the contrary, I would give one last loving kiss and bury him and built a tomb over his grave and would come every day to put the best flower in the garden.

Now, what do I do ? Simple, I work, work and work and work even more harder. I let the early morning cinematic emotional imagination go free in my mind, and make use of the great emotions that come up to bring new ideas and stories to write about. And on the way back home late at night, I jot them down on my red diary which I bought on my second date with her. Its red gives me fresh memories for she had liked red. Emotions would again flow down the nerves and I try my best to collect them on the pages with the stroke of the pen.

I have learned to let her go, and so did I let myself fly again among the clouds, going where the wind blows, not knowing will I be able to return back to where I was. But, all that I know is :

" She was lovely, and more lovely in Red. "
Mr. Kumar
January 01, 2012
Posted by Blindmemoirs

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